


Maybe This Time

by orphan_account



Series: Maybe I Love You After All [2]
Category: NU'EST, Wanna One (Band)
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-31 21:46:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12690822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Companion piece to ‘Maybe We Could Fly’: Minhyun POVHwang Minhyun’s ‘Straight-dar’ is broken and he’s a little tired of falling for guys who, for whatever reason, can’t love him back.His mind tells him he should leave Seongwoo but his heart just can’t quit.





	1. Chapter 1

_A fresh start_. _A new place_. _Break the pattern_.

That was the plan, or at least it was for Hwang Minhyun. 

“He can’t love you. He can’t ever love you. Not the way you want him to!” 

It hurt to remember that night, hearing those words. 

The night that forced him to move out of the place he shared with his four oldest friends because it was the best thing for him. For all of them.

Now it was just him, in his own space. An apartment that wasn’t too big or small. Rent that was surprisingly affordable but only because a distant relative owned it - whatever he paid was just a token sum. Minhyun could have got it for free but he’d insisted on paying at least whatever he could afford.

At least he had his own space now. No one to clean up after. No one to nag about picking up dirty socks off the floor or airing out the bedroom. 

If he was truthful to himself, though, Minhyun would put up with the mess if it came with the person who just couldn’t pick up after himself. 

_Baekho, who’s going to remind you to change your sheets now?_

_Who’s going to tell you to wash your cup instead of leaving it by the bed? Who’s going to remind you to take out the trash?_

_It’s not going to be me. Not anymore._

Baekho had come home one night. Smelling...different. It wasn’t just the vapour from some vape stick (he knew Baekho’s friends would vape around him) but it was something sweet and sickly smelling. 

He’d gotten so...angry. Told him off for not looking after himself, for smelling like he’d been with some cheap whore.

Baekho had turned red. Punched the wall.

”Don’t call her that!” He screamed at Minhyun. For the first time in the years they’d known each other, he’d yelled with so much force.

”So,” said Minhyun. “If it was a girl, why couldn’t you just say you were on a date? Why did you have to lie, say you were with Bumzu and the others?”

Baekho had just grabbed at his own hair in frustration. “Because I knew you wouldn’t like it.”

It had hurt to hear that. Because there didn’t use to be anything that Baekho would hide from Minhyun. Nothing that he wouldn’t be able to say. But some things are harder to say out loud. Some things were things that even Minhyun couldn’t bring himself to say.

Not the way he wanted to.

Minhyun couldn’t remember what he’d said exactly. He only remembered shouting, yelling so loud his voice was hoarse after. There’d been tears, his face was so wet with them and he didn’t know how long he would have kept yelling if Ren hadn’t stepped in.

”You. Stop it. Stop it right now,” Ren had hugged him so tight. Then, one arm still around Minhyun, Ren turned to Baekho and told him, “You can’t be here tonight. Just go somewhere else please, Baekho. Please.”

 Minhyun had been unable to say anything. Baekho had said nothing, simply turned around. Left.

Ren had turned to him then and said those hurtful words.

“He can’t love you. He can’t ever love you. Not the way you want him to!” 

And Minhyun had cried so hard, because he knew Ren was right.

It wasn’t like the rest of them hadn’t realised. Hadn’t seen that what was supposed to be two best friends morph into something unhealthy. The jokes about co-dependency were no longer jokes but reality. It was hard to tell where one started and the other began but it was obvious that something had to give, eventually.

The easiest thing to do was to move out. It wasn’t like he was cutting ties with his roommates. He’d still see Ren, they were in the same department and shared most of the same classes. Aron and JR, they were his workout buddies. But Baekho...well. If it wasn’t for them living together, their schedules were so varied that they might well not see each other at all some days.

Moving out would be the best way to give them both a break. And for Minhyun to get over the fact that he was in love with his best friend.

Who didn’t love him back. _Not that way_.

As nice as his new place was, it just felt so empty. And after sharing a space with four other people, being on his own felt so terribly lonely.

There was a gay club not too far from his place. Sundown was a decent enough place, not overly rowdy and it had a good reputation for its cocktails.

Nothing left to do now but put on a jacket and head to the club. Didn’t someone say the best way to get over someone was to get under someone else?  
  
Minhyun could hope.  
  
***

”So come here often?” Minhyun had thought it was a good sign that Seongwoo, Ong Seongwoo, the hot guy in his last economic class had said the exact thing in greeting.

He’d laughed, showing his adorable grin that Minhyun liked precisely because it wasn’t perfect. Not that there was anything wrong with Seongwoo’s teeth just that there was something about his eye-teeth that made them so distinctive. Cute, even.

Then he’d mentioned a girlfriend. An ex-girlfriend.

Obviously, the universe hated him.

He’d tried though, to make light of the universe’s cruelty, joking, “Just my luck, the hottest guy in the club and he’s straight.”

Minhyun hoped he didn’t come across too bitter-sounding.

“You think I’m hot?” Oh, god. That grin again. 

Then as if Minhyun didn’t already feel as though his ears were going to melt from blushing, Seongwoo just had to follow that smile of his with “You’re...not bad yourself.” 

_Well, fuck it._

Minhyun swallowed and summoned up whatever liquid courage he had from drinking three margaritas:

“This club’s lights are a little dim. Maybe you can come to my place and get a better look.”

It was so awfully corny but go big or go home, right?

And Seongwoo had just nodded. 

Shit. I just picked up a guy. 

So, trying to keep his cool, Minhyun walked out of the nearest side door, not daring even to check if Seongwoo was following.

”Your place far from here?” Well, Seongwoo definitely was there.

Minhyun shook his head. “It’s actually close by.”

They didn’t say more until they’d gotten to his place. Minhyun, trying to hide his nerves by being a good host and offering Seongwoo a drink.

The boy just seemed so nervous. “I’ve just...never done anything like this before.”

Oh. Well. Yet another straight guy I have to teach how to kiss. 

With Baekho, Minhyun knew never to take it seriously. It was usually when Baekho had gotten a little tipsy on the occasional outing (the boy hated to drink but peer pressure, well) and he’d come back a little too cheery. 

He’d hug Minhyun and tell him how much he loved him. How glad he was that he was around, how great a best friend he was.

And that one time which broke Minhyun’s heart.   
  
Baekho, just before loudly smacking him on the lips, whispered, “If only you were a girl.”

If only.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Wanna hang out?”
> 
> No, said his brain.  
> Yes, said his weak, weak mouth.

Minyun knew he should have known better than to ask.

“What do you want, Seongwoo?”

“Right now? You.”

The answer was so much more earnest and honest than he’d expected.

_He’s straight. You don’t need this right now_.

But what Minhyun said, instead, was, “Right answer.”

When Seongwoo said he didn’t want to kiss, it was, weirdly, a relief.

The last time he’d kissed a straight guy he’d wished he didn’t.

So instead he took Seongwoo’s hand and led him to the couch.

His few one-night stands, he’d been content to let the other lead. Been pliant, submissive. This time it was Minhyun who had to set the pace.

”We’ll go slow, OK?” He’d been reassuring himself as well as Seongwoo.

There was no rush, after all. Why work so hard to get it over with?

Seongwoo was stiff in his arms; awkward. It was cute. 

_Was this how it felt for those others, with me_?  
  
He didn’t hold onto him too tightly. Instead, he just rubbed his shoulders, gently moving his hands along Seongwoo’s upper arms. And it wasn’t long before he felt Seongwoo relaxing, melting into his touch.

Minhyun had to stifle a giggle when Seongwoo shuddered at his kiss, when he moved his lips to the spot where his ear and neck met. 

Then he’d continued, trailing his tongue down Seongwoo’s neck, finding it a thrill to hear the man moan as if despite himself.

And then Seongwoo had reciprocated - kissing along his jaw and then biting, so softly halfway down Minhyun’s neck.

He swore he almost came right there. Luck. Sheer damn luck Seongwoo found the most sensitive spot on his neck.

Knew it too. Seongwoo giving him that grin again and nipping, nipping again as though gratified to hear Minhyun’s whimpers.

_Well he’d have to up his game then_.

He’d moved his legs, effectively pinning Seongwoo down, making him lie against the sofa’s armrest.

”Trust me?” He whispered.

Seongwoo had looked at him, hesitating a while, before finally nodding.

Lowering his head to Seongwoo’s neck, his hands moved under the other’s shirt, touching the smooth skin underneath. 

He didn’t expect Seongwoo’s reaction - to pull at Minhyun’s shirt and start pulling it up, over his neck and well, what else was Minhyun left to do but return the favour?

Only to find himself flipped over, their positions now in reverse.

Now it was Seongwoo feverishly nipping along his jaw, down his neck, kissing down Minhyun’s chest. 

_Oh_. Seongwoo was licking, lightly sucking at his nipple, a hand gently palming at the other. 

So much sensation it was hard to concentrate on anything but the feel of Seongwoo’s mouth on his skin. 

It took a lot to not pull his head down and kiss the man senseless.

Seongwoo’s grinding, panting, licking got more urgent and Minhyun knew he was close. 

Very close in fact as all it took was Minhyun raking his fingers along Seongwoo’s thigh for the man to find release.

While Seongwoo’s face was flushed, partly from the orgasm and perhaps from embarassment, Minhyun didn’t mind.

It felt good to know that all it took was that touch to bring him over the edge. 

Or at least that’s what he told himself, as he gave the other boy a blanket and towel. Might as well let him spend the night - even if it was on the couch.

****

 “Wanna hang out?” No, said his brain. Yes, said his weak, weak mouth.

After weeks of not hearing from Seongwoo, Minhyun thought it was just going to be a passing thing between them. 

The universe was still cruel.

Seongwoo of all people had sat next to him in the bus and struck up a conversation.

He’d thought to just have a little small talk and then get off at his stop. 

Instead the other boy wanted to ‘hang out’. Seongwoo did know where he lived, after all.

It was easier to talk to him than he thought it would be. Over coffee (Minhyun preferred tea though), they’d chatted about random things. Professors they knew, mutual friends.

After two hours, he felt loathe to say goodbye and hated himself a little to feel that way.

Then the devil (whose name was Seongwoo) said he was tired. _Liar he’d just had a huge Americano._

Smiled that smile. And asked, _could I come over? Just for a quick nap?_

Shamelessly took his bed, too. “Hey, the couch is over there, you know. What if I wanted a nap?”

Seongwoo just grinned and held out his arms. Ass.

And into those arms he crawled. _Why fight it_?

***

They’d ‘hung out’ at least once a week. Though he still hadn’t visited Seongwoo’s place. Even if Seongwoo wasn’t shy about inviting himself over to Minhyun’s.

It was like dating, but not.

Seongwoo was still very much averse to kissing on the mouth but pecks on the cheek in private? Sure.

No handholding. But if they were on the couch and Seongwoo just felt like draping an arm around him for no reason? Well.

Ren hadn’t been impressed.

”If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were the kept toyboy of a married man.” Leave it to Ren to be blunter than a butter knife.

”Well,” drawled Minhyun. “If that were true, I’d at least be getting sex.”

”You do everything but actually fuck? Really?” Ren snorted. 

Minhyun shrugged. 

“Only you, Minhyun, could go to a gay bar to get over a straight man and then come home with another one,” said Ren, sighing.

”At least he’s pretty to look at. And he gives good cuddles.”

”Replace cuddles with ‘gives good oral’ then maybe I’d approve.” Ren rolled his eyes for good measure.

Minhyun just laughed.

“Maybe he doesn’t quite make me happy but he doesn’t make unhappy, either? Does that make sense?”

To that, Ren sighed again.

”Just don’t let Seongwoo get in-between you and having a normal, healthy, fully reciprocal relationship, OK?”

Minhyun was quiet before only saying, “I’ll try.”

But in truth, he was happy enough not having to try. To live right now in the moment or at least the moments.

Like when he’d be pretending to sleep - knowing Seongwoo was watching him, and kissing him on the nose when he thought Minhyun would be too asleep to feel it. 

Strange, silly, Seongwoo who he knew he would miss when and if he walked out of his life. 

But better than to have never known him at all. 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Doesn’t matter what I am, because what I am is crazy about you.”
> 
> Where Minhyun finds the universe is the kindest of sadists.

_Who was Seongwoo hugging_? 

It was strange; he’d expected to at least feel a little bit jealous seeing him with some girl. But that cold rage he’d felt when Baekho came home that night, reeking of some girl’s perfume, didn’t come.

Maybe it was his sister. Some friend. Who knows? Minhyun didn’t want to dwell on it. He let it go.

It felt...freeing. To not be feeling that mad, obsessive possessiveness he felt around Baekho. That nagging curiosity every time Baekho would pick up his phone and go elsewhere to answer the call.

As reluctant as Seongwoo was to go past his own set limits for whatever they had going, at least there were limits. 

He wasn’t sure if Seongwoo had seen him at the end of the corridor, watching him for that short moment. But best not to dwell too much on it, Minhyun thought.

Having the rest of the afternoon off, he thought some me-time with a book and maybe a grapefruit smoothie would be in order.

Or at least that was the plan until Baekho showed up.

Minhyun hadn’t been long at the bus stop, when that familiar set of wheels parked itself right where he was waiting. 

“Minhyun.”

They’d known each other long enough he knew to not bother saying anything until getting into the passenger seat, taking the unsaid invitation to come in.

”Let’s go for a drive, and on the way we can talk. Like we used to.” Baekho looked at him, his eyes gently pleading.

“OK.”

They’d been quiet for the first few minutes before Baekho said, “I missed you, Minhyunnie. 

Minhyun chose not to answer. There were a lot of things he’d once felt he could say, but right now the person beside him felt both near and far. A memory and a reality, too far divorced.

”Let’s go by that park we used to visit?” Minhyun nodded. It still felt too awkward to speak right then.

It was, fortunately, not too hot a day. They’d found a bench near shade which was quietly secluded. 

Just them. Just this.

Minhyun let himself look, properly at Baekho’s face. Where once there was roundness, a slight chubbiness around his cheeks, he could see the outline of bone. His face looked even smaller than he remembered.

”Haven’t you been eating? Baekho-ya?” Baekho smiled, wanly. “You know me. When I get a bit stressed I lose my appetite.”  
  
”And the happier you are, the more you eat.” They both laughed. 

“I’m so sorry. Sorry for being a coward and hiding things from you,” Baekho said. His face again sad and stern.

”You weren’t the only coward.” Minhyun patted Baekho’s shoulder. “If I’d only just been honest about my feelings from the start instead of keeping them in and then exploding, maybe they’d have settled down in time.”

Baekho shook his head. “You know, between us, even with how noisy we are and how much we talk...there’s so much we can say to each other without words.”

”I knew you had feelings for me and I...I didn’t know how to deal with it. Because I didn’t want to lose you in the process.”

Baekho’s shoulders heaved, as his eyes began to water and soon he was sobbing in earnest.

”Don’t...” Minhyun stopped talking, instead holding Baekho close, letting him cry into his shoulder.

”We’re so stupid, aren’t we?” He whispered to Baekho. “How we say everything and nothing, all the time? Saying too much, not saying enough, at the same time?”

They held each other for awhile and only let go when Baekho’s tears had stopped. 

“I hated myself, you know,” Baekho said, his voice cracking at the edges. “Because I was too scared to lose you and yet, I was too scared to try and see...if I could be that man you wanted.”

”To be the man for you.”

Minhyun shook his head. “You can’t make yourself do or be what you’re not ready for. I love you, but I don’t want to own you. That’s not how it works - but it took me being apart from you to really get that.”

”So,” Baekho said, “You’ll talk to me again? We can be...we can be friends again?”

”We’ve always been, and will always be friends, Baekho. That’s not going to change. But I’m not moving back, it’s nice not to have to pick up your socks all the time.”

Baekho laughed, loud and high, his face finally losing the dourness it held at the start of their meeting.

Minhyun smiled back, his heart feeling lighter than it had felt in a very long time. 

***

As Baekho pulled up to his apartment block, Minhyun wondered if he should invite him up.

_No, not just yet._

He turned to his dearest friend, as if to take in one more look before he stepped out into a world where he’d have to acknowledge just how much things had changed now. For him, for them.

”Hey, just...wait a bit.” Baekho’d put an arm on his shoulder to stop him from getting out of the car.

And the next thing Minhyun knew, Baekho’s lips was on his.

He could taste the salt of tears, felt the rough chapped edge of his lips and that familiar stubble rubbing against his own chin.

”At least you could say, at least once, I didn’t just kiss you when I was drunk.” Baekho whispered, just before pulling away.

It was a goodbye kiss - not to their friendship but to what they had before.

There was nothing left to say now but “See you” and “Call you soon.”

Though his heart felt a little lighter now, a stray thought came to Minhyun’s mind: _what do I do about Seongwoo_?

Maybe it was time to start being honest and really do a DTR - define the relationship. Not make the same mistakes he made with Baekho.

The last thing he was expecting was to see Seongwoo literally on his doorstep.

And then kissing him up against the wall.

Minhyun was almost afraid to ask that question again. But some things needed to be asked. That even if the truth hurt, it was easier to live with it than to keep it inside, than to let it fester.

“What do you want, Seongwoo?” He held his breath.

"You. It’s always been you.”

And Minhyun laughed. Maybe, just maybe the universe was done being cruel this time.

 

 


End file.
